{ wit + delight }: design / fashion / projects / oddities

thx, melancholy

i’ve been thinking about this post for a while, but i just couldn’t figure out how to begin. i needed my own melancholy to pass to gain some kind of perspective, in order to get it off my chest.

the past few months have been particularly difficult around here, and due to a growing number of stressful circumstances, i really felt paralyzed, terrified, and guilty that my life wasn’t exactly “in order” (or how i imagined it would be) the months leading up to our wedding date.

nick is plowing through grad school, hurling towards his start date, a few weeks from now. the hours are insane… and it looks like he will be writing his dissertation, starting a new job, AND getting married all at once. this is not ideal.

while he slaves away, i’ve been working on the wedding, and feeling, well, just plain sour about rushing through these months. for some reason, i felt we needed time to mentally center ourselves as we make this official. instead, the expense, the need for assistance, the lack of time spent together, the whoopla of it all, has felt like a thorn in the side. clearly, i’m naive, and i didn’t see this coming, despite my tenancies.

but this THX from leah, made me smile today. things have been better the past few weeks. much better. and it’s not that we’ve had any relief of stress. although i did my best to seem cheery when nick slugs through the door, i realized that was the best part of my day, seeing his face, because no matter how tired he is, he always lights up when he comes through the door. a kiss and a hug never fails to follow. it’s the smallest thing, but it reminds me of what waits on the other side of all of the craziness.

exactly 2 months from today, we’ll be getting married, and the thought of it brings big pools of tears to my eyes. i know i sound like a total sap, an emotional landmine of sorts, but these months of melancholy have shed light on the brightest part of my life.

i’d be a lot easier to just say f-it, let’s get married yesterday. but celebrating our union wouldn’t feel right without all the people who supported us, especially those who helped screw my head back on straight over the years. we’re two very lucky people, that’s for sure.

11 Comments

Kate, if it makes you feel any better, in the 6 months leading up to my wedding 2 years ago, I graduated from graduate school, landed my first full-time gig out of college, my husband’s ex-wife tried petition my husband into not marrying me and re-marrying her, we finally closed on the house we had been trying to buy for six months (the previous owners kept cancelling contracts on us), moved in the middle of winter, my husband’s sister was diagnosed with colon cancer, and I found out 2 weeks before the wedding that I was pregnant (whoops!). But you know what, it was all totally worth it because we are so insanely happy now. I can’t imagine NOT going through all that to get to where we are now, and when we finally said “I Do,” it had so much more meaning. You will get through it! Congrats on the nuptuals. If you can go through all of this and stay together, you’ll be married for at least 50 years.

Deanna (Silly Goose Farm) added these words on Aug 16 10 at 4:45 pm

Beautiful thoughts. Hopefully it felt good to unload them a bit. Just keep your focus on the things you can control, and do your best to enjoy the journey. Like you said…the small things. When my wedding was over – my very simple wedding that did not take place during such a crazy time – I felt such a feeling of relief and peace. Part of me even missed the planning stress leading up to the big day, but mostly I was just so happy to start the next phase of our lives together. I am sure you will too. Good luck and congratulations!

Mary added these words on Aug 16 10 at 7:33 pm

kate, sounds like a whirlwind and stressful time. i just planned a wedding this year of an acquaintance – it was such an amazing experience and i saw up close how crazy and hectic it can be for everyone involved. on top of that to have school and work sounds like a lot on your plate. you always inspire with such beautiful things, and i’m sure it will be the most beautiful day – and even now that you are reflecting and appreciating, even when you are “IN IT” is such a reflection of you being in the right place. hope it comes together and you get your moments to breathe and listen to music and drink wine and do what you enjoy together.

best wishes!

sarah added these words on Aug 16 10 at 7:48 pm

darlin you’re exactly where you need to be. this wretched anxiety will only make the sweetness afterward that much sweeter. take those breaths, cry those tears. this is living with your eyes open. and yes it hurts and it opens the doors for the giddy, jumpy, yell to to rooftop joys up ahead.
you sound like you’ve got your priorities right. you won’t miss a thing dear girl.
extra hugs,
katie

Namekatie added these words on Aug 16 10 at 8:19 pm

thanks ladies. i just needed to vent a bit- i was bound to get a little stressed over all of this.

deanna- if you guys pulled through then this should be a cake walk! you rock.

thanks for sharing your stories. i’m always floored by your kindness!

Kate added these words on Aug 16 10 at 10:55 pm

I think weddings in and of themselves are complicated things and it’s totally normal to be feeling this way, especially with all the added life-stress! In the year we were planning our wedding (last month!) my now-husband quit his old job and opened a restaurant. My company re-org’d and cut my pay (which thankfully got re-instated plus 4 days before our wedding). It all worked out and now we’re married! Best thing ever. Meg, over at A Practical Wedding, was my sanity saver through much of the year. Check her out: http://apracticalwedding.com/

kc added these words on Aug 17 10 at 2:36 pm

Oh Kate, I feel you! I remember being happy and angry during the weeks leading up to our wedding. I was preparing for something amazing but the stress of putting it all together was overwhelming to say the very least. It felt unfair that the preparation that should be “cherished” was also causing tears. But five and a half years and two kids later, it’s all a memory:) If I knew then, what I know now I’d tell myself to decide to have fun, decide to laugh it off, and decide to have the best day ever. Regardless of what happens. Hang in there, you both sound like you have your stuff together. You will have an awesome union:)

Happenstance added these words on Aug 17 10 at 9:27 pm

Oh Dear! I was running around telling everyone up until the day of my wedding that eloping was totally the way to go…we had moved to MN that year and trying to plan something that was happening across the country was just madness – and I was really mad that I didn’t have any of my girlfriends around to help…of course the wedding ended up being wonderful and I totally cherish those memories…as I’m sure you will Life is messy but it sounds like you have a great partner to go through it all with!! xoxo

michelle @ pretty mommy added these words on Aug 18 10 at 1:18 pm

Thank you! I’m 2 1/2 months from our wedding date and have been feeling so many of the same things. We both said last friday, “why don’t we just go to city hall?” But, for the same reasons as yours I want to say “I do” before the people who have been there. I’m tired. We argue more right now, yet still, when Kile walks into the scene I breathe a sigh of relief and he looks at me with absolute acceptance and love. Thank you for sharing, it’s nice to know there are others in the very same place I am. & May your wedding day bring you pink bubbles and unspeakable joy & soon…

Leigha Montgomery added these words on Aug 21 10 at 9:38 am

we JUST celebrated our first year anniversary, and I feel my experience with planning etc. was exactly like yours! My husband is even in grad school, and I had got laid off the month before our wedding. But being with everyone you love on that one day and standing in front of them and looking out at them all, makes it all worth it. And you’ll feel a huge relief/weigh lifted after everything is said and done. Best of luck- I love your blog!

Libby added these words on Aug 27 10 at 8:41 am

Oh boy, I know exactly how you feel, and I wish there was something I could say that would help, but you just have to go through it. Your perspective is perfect though! I can’t wait to see your wedding, I am sure it will be so stunning, and when you look back, you will remember it as a shining star during a hard time, and laugh, and smile and it will be even more special. I LOVE your blog, simply beautiful and amazing.

Michelle added these words on Aug 28 10 at 2:29 pm